Wishing You a CD​-​Recovery

by Single Mother Nature

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about

they're never gonna love me, are they?
those people i don't know?

credits

released February 1, 2019

Recorded in Chicago 2018.
All songs written and performed by Matt McNish.

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all rights reserved

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about

Single Mother Nature Chicago, Illinois

pet project. improving. getting better. doing very well.

lyric-driven. contemplative. sardonic. true or false.

www.instagram.com/mattmcniche/

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Track Name: algorithms
crickets like distant fire alarms at night
flies nosedive suicide into my open eyes

a simile's a science, baby
but a metaphor's just life

i’m an undergrad in love on adderall
in the fashions of the fall
i’m a dancer of apartments
dancing with a shadow on my wall

i’m not sure i can shake it, baby
the weight of what’s unknown

that feeling time's repeating
that underglow
that sense of moving fast
and still too much too slow

they’re never gonna come back, are they?
those stretchings of the bone?

i’m a lonely little ballet baby
whose teacher doesn’t know
that the cleverest of algorithms
will one day tie me to my phone

we never had a chance now, did we (? no, / know?)
there’s much too much to know
and the cleverest of algorithms
feed off that feeling i’m alone

they’re never gonna love me, are they?
those people i don’t know?

i’m an undergrad
in love
on adderall
in the fashions
of a fall
wipe the cum
from my stomach
i’m watching
your shadow
on my wall

these memories
shared
with one
and all
these pictures
from nights
i can’t
recall
i don’t know
my body
anymore
only our
shadows
on my
wall
only
my
shadow
on
the
wall
Track Name: uptown baby
uptown baby
i’m your headrest aching
borrowed books and phrasing
sleep till sunlight wakes me

i could focus on anything when
i’m walking to your house
autumn leaves on the trees
but instead i keep
picturing myself
finger on the bell…

and
how you’ll open the door
when you open the door
how you’ll open the door
when you open the door

uptown baby
morning sunlight
wakes me
violet rays encasing
future oscillating

in the houses of filthy rich spouses
fireplaces burn
serpent streams in the steam
from my coffee cup
one day we will earn
money to burn

and
throw the cash in the fire
if it burns, it’s just pyre
fall asleep by my side
dream of widening skies

uptown baby
can this love sustain me?
in a world that’s changing?
future oscillating?
i’m worried, baby

but
then you open the door
then you open the door
then you open the door
then you open the door
Track Name: ...and of course
rené is a fire
you will never tire
all of your desire
through a fence of wire

he will take his time
you will lose your mind

rené is a liar
he will say he’s tired
but he will not retire
until you both get higher

sitting in your bed
he’s getting in your head

…and of course
he will send
all his love
because his lovers
are his friends
but this will end
without a word
without a reason

and you are left with only
bitterness again

rené is admired
for his inner smile
but you are not desired
and he can tell you why…

it’s a state of mind
born of another life

…and of course
he is right
you can try
but no one sees
your inner smile
only sweat
play pretend

back to
bitterness again

do you want
to just be friends?

back to
bitterness again
Track Name: oh, the mountains...
oh, the mountains are glistening
where they’re glistening…
but from where i am sitting
you won’t find a mountain

no, height is only
for flighted things
flapping wings in the sky
here in the city of flat lines
like sheets on a clothesline

oh, the air is choking
and so am i
foreign plants
in streetlight

this ambition gets lonely…
why do we bite
if the apple tastes
of violence?
am i just terrified to die?
oh, just one more bite…

can i afford to fly?

every action i take is a break
from an alternate action
time ripple reaction
time follows attraction

and the only time
i feel alive
is after i’ve
decided

my decisions
only turn out right
when i keep my eyes on the prize
and when i keep in mind
that i will die

can i afford to fly?

fly me out of the midwest tonight
because that’s what i’ve decided
i’ll find another chance
seek a better life

this life i live cannot be what’s right

my arrogant,
but human,
undying cry

can i afford to fly?

or will my final position
be determined by these
financial conditions?
the curse of the living…

can i afford to fly?
Track Name: still life (without soul)
that’s seven days
the seventh night
is at hand

i cannot take
another change
in my plans

my mistake
like the dog
who runs away
was in thinking
that i’d be safe

does anybody know who knows me?
still life (without soul)
industry of wining, dining
i’m weak (but i’ll glow)

i don’t want to know what i owe
just swallow me whole
customize the dying cry of
still life (without soul)

my cotton mouth
chattering teeth spitting out
a rented house
a bunker deep underground

who will save me
from hopeless party scenes
coming soon
to my cracking screen?

does anybody know who knows me?
still life (without soul)
industry of wining, dining
i’m weak (but i’ll glow)

i don’t want to know what i owe
just swallow me whole
customize the dying cry of
still life (without soul)

does anybody know
what i should know?
or where i should go?
does anybody know
still life without soul?
Track Name: ...never be alone again
“everybody here is an alcoholic!”

straining my throat
just to know you heard my joke

here to celebrate
some false occasion
dressed to impress
and i’m puffing out my chest

‘cause i can never be alone again,
i can never be alone again,
i can never be a never be a never be a
never be a never be a never be alone again

would you rate me
five stars on this dating app?
i can see mars
from your courtyard

oh, the night is humid
pulse is racing
phobia facing

in the bed of the living dead

‘cause i can never be alone again,
i can never be alone again,
i can never be a never be a never be a
never be a never be a never be alone again

but there’s no story here
just breathing in my ear
the only thing i hear is
you breathing in my ear…

“i can never be alone again,
i can never be alone again,
i can never be a never be a never be a
never be a never be a never be a
never be a never be a never be a…”
Track Name: ***~~~ light fading ~~~***
i don’t know what i should do
to make this afternoon sweet
like you would be

my mind
is slightly
rusted
machinery

tell me, baby, what i’m thinking lately
sweet fermented tea
on my tongue
and honey
from
the
bees

oh, i can feel the day
light fading
light fading
rotate till it comes back

light fading
light fading
rotate till it comes back

i am hating
life changing
i’ll wait to write you back

light fading
light fading
rotate till it comes back

as if dreaming
trees around me seem like
kind green eyes
that know
my true
desires and
sympathize

silent witnesses
to the sickness of my time
on my bike
turn on my blinking light
sail through
the night

oh, i can feel the pain
in hating
life changing
rotate till it comes back

i am hating
life changing
i’ll wait to write you back

light fading
light fading
rotate till it comes back

light fading
light fading
rotate till it comes back

the only way out of pain
is letting life change you
the only way out of pain
is letting life change you…
Track Name: the source of my transforming
i was a seventeen-year-old
on a lifeguard stand
with nervous hands

when i learned to play guitar
to impress some man
with callous hands

distortion is a way to hide mistakes, baby,
do you want to play?

i was halfway out the door
when i looked at you
and watched the room

change shape
bending all the space
between us two
mouths that move

you taught me the harmonies to religious pieces
though you don’t believe

all that i do
i just do to feel the glory
of impressing you
nameless men who write my story

unrequited love is the source of my transforming
i’d do it for me but, sweet baby, that sounds boring

“i don’t want you anymore.”
i wish i knew. i wish i knew.
pick my clothes up off your floor.
i wish i knew. i wish i knew.

i guess i’m alone again
the siren songs are written in the silence
this quiet violent pain…

all that i do
i just do to feel the glory
of impressing you
nameless men who write my story

unrequited love is the source of my transforming
i’d do it for me but, sweet baby, that sounds boring

behold the glory of my transforming
behold the glory of my transforming…
Track Name: debunking (the meaning to life)
say to me what you think of the monkeys
societies built on myths your debunking
smoking weed second floor on fifteenth street
arguing if our lives have a meaning

there’s no meaning to life
you believed when you died
on a drive through the AC Expressway at night

how unreal to collide
with the night that you die
how i wish you could tell me

that i had been right
that there’s meaning to life
that i’m doing just fine
that the doubt in my mind
will be weathered by time
that there really are signs
not just tricks of the mind
i could use one tonight
as the lamplight

flickers on making yellow this dark place
after drinking susceptible mood change
in the window distortions of my face
out the window the currents of my shame

there is meaning to life
i believed when you died
on a drive through the AC Expressway at night

a new moon in the sky
you had plans for that night
now i wish you could tell me

that i had been right
that there’s meaning to life
that i’m doing just fine
that the doubt in my mind
will be weathered by time
that there really are signs
not just tricks of the mind

and committing to life is the answer
when i just want to drive out of this life

you leave behind a body, nobody knows why
we drive and we drive and we drive
and we drive just to die
nobody, nobody
knows why

only the young
would act like
they knew anything
about life

we drive and we drive
and we drive
and we drive
just to die
nobody

no
body
knows
why

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